The Arrival of American Born Cute Desi

As new Desis settled they married, mostly going back home and finding a mate of suitable type. Few years later they were greeted with the arrival of the American Born Cute Desis - the second generation of Desi Americans.

These were the children who were born here. Somehow, the kids were much cuter than parents. They were taller than their parents. They were also smarter than their parents. Of course they were more talented than their parents. It seemed like having Desi genes and breathing American oxygen was a fail-safe combination. God must be really smiling on all these deserving Desis.

Parents were thrilled. And, in spite of lots of time and energy consumed by their need to succeed professionally, they always had the time and energy to look after the cute kids. As a matter of fact, it became the number-one priority for them to make sure their kids got nothing but the best.

Desi success comes from the art of imitation. If one child in town was taking Bharat Natyam lessons, soon, everyone else there was, too. The same thing happened with piano lessons, violin lessons, swimming lessons or tennis lessons. There were simply too many things they wanted to teach their children.

So these cute Desis became smart Desis. They learned Bharat Natyam and performed till the audience fell asleep. If you went to dinner at someone's place you were entertained with a live performance on the piano or violin. With the advent of the video recorder, there were always those moments captured to share with the whole community.

All these extracurricular activities did not come at the expense of education. Cute Desis were expected to be perfect at studying. A child scoring a 98 had to figure out why he/she could not get a 100! Education was the prime factor in success in life. Being a Salutatorian in our community was not a matter of joy, unless, of course, you lost to your twin brother or sister. So it was no wonder that in spite of being only 0.4% of the population, more than 10 percent of Valedictorian, national merit scholars, spelling bee winners, math bee winner or science awards went to cute Desis.

The whole nation was amazed. What was the secret of the success? Was it something in the Curry, Chapati or idli Sambar? We credited our family and culture for having provided the nurturing environment. From the president down to the elementary school teacher, everyone said that we were the exemplary community.

And, just like Americans at the time of "Manifest Destiny," we started believing that we were destined for success. Desi Culture Zindabad!!

So their top priority became preservation of Desi Culture. Our dance, music, tradition, language, religion, food our way of life � was what we wanted to preserve. No effort was spared. Different cultural and religious organizations thrived, all with the prime objective of preserving the culture for our children. Remember many of us claim that we settled here for the sake of our children!  

ABCD (American Born Cute Desi) First eighteen years

Children born to Desi parents were the luckiest children in the world. With two parents sparing no effort to meet their needs, they got more attention than the average American child. Their needs were met. They received a tremendous amount of love and nurturing. Being different than the mainstream Americans did not create much of a problem. By and large they were well respected by the others as high achievers. So they loved being Desi.

Then between the ages of 10-13 the pituitary gland woke up and sent a message for the body and mind to prepare for adolescence. Suddenly, with new hormones flowing in the system, the Desi child started seeing things in a different manner. Suddenly the wonderful Desi parents did not seem so wonderful.

Youth is the time when other kids are enjoying freedom. In school, they see that others openly talk about dating and sex. Some of them are already pregnant in middle school. Smoking and drinking is not that unusual. Some of them are even on drugs. Partly in order to fit with the rest, but mostly due to curiosity or inner need, they gradually question all of the dictums coming from home.

The Desi solution to American Nightmare

Parents were very aware of the problem of living in the western society. Even though they loved the professional success and independence they enjoyed, they wanted to make sure that the children were protected from all the bad western influences.

This reminds me of the story of Gautama Buddha. When the prophet predicted that young Gautama might renounce the world if he encountered an emotional situation, his parents shielded him from all the unhappy experiences in the life. One day, young Gautama had to confront the reality. And the rest is history. Similarly, Desi parents took an approach to shield their kids from all the bad influences rather than making them capable of handling them. I guess we did not learn much from history.

The basic technique used by parents was to keep children very busy with different activities (Dance lessons and Piano lessons came in handy). And they made it clear to their children that we were not American. And most of the kids never even dared to bring up the subject of dating or sex with their parents. It became the unspoken rule that there were certain things we simply did not do.