In November 2008 in a Clifton, NJ church a 24 year old estranged wife was fatally shot in her head by her husband in the presence of a large gathering.   He drove from California just to kill her. Reportedly she had a Protection from Abuse order against him with the judge’s warning to stay away from her.  Allegedly two others were also shot in their head—one died.  In October 2008, a 42 year old man was charged with first degree murder for killing his 37 year old wife and two children.  The bodies with extensive head and neck trauma were found a week later in their apartment near Detroit.  In Arizona a woman was killed by her husband after being stalked. What’s the common theme in all these cases?  All, victims and perpetrators were Indian immigrants.

To the Indian community such news is jarring and unbelievable.  Somehow we feel crimes like these are not our reality. It is all theirs.  In this land of opportunity, we are foreigners with talent, intelligence, education, religious upbringing, ethic of extreme hard work, compassion, resilience and many more strengths.  As a “model minority” we perceive that we are immune to many troubles including domestic violence.  It is comforting to think we are sheltered from such crimes.

Let’s talk about it. 

Sadly, painful domestic matters know no boundaries. Domestic violence, (DV) also known as intimate partner violence, (IPV) permeates people across all cultures, education levels, religions and socio-economic status. Despite gross underreporting, statistics and case reports point to an epidemic of domestic violence.  According to W.H.O., 1 in 3 women worldwide are victims of IPV.  Findings from a 2002 World Report on Violence and Health indicate that between 10% and 69% of women report physical abuse by an intimate partner.  Women are naturally vulnerable; but some men are also victims of this unacceptable gender based violence. In recent years, an intimate partner killed 33% of female murder victims and 4% of male murder victims.  The Bureau of Justice Statistics 2004 survey found that in 2004 12.8 % murders were committed by family members.   Although men are known to be more vulnerable victims of assault in general, women are 5 to 8 times more likely than men to be victims of IPV.  Further, women are 14 times more likely than men to sustain serious injuries. Pregnant women are even more at risk with 324,000 victims. This number is higher than gestational diabetes and toxemia combined—the two most common conditions of pregnancy for which every pregnant woman is screened regularly and there is no formal screening for IPV.  In a 2002 W.H.O. publication titled World Report on Violence and Health, Krug et al. sums it up as “the overwhelming burden of partner violence is borne by women at the hands of men.”

The data is sparse for the Indian community.  India’s third National Family Health Survey in 2005 found nearly 40 percent of married Indian women experienced spousal violence. Irrespective of their education, working or homemaker, rural or urban, the survey reported women were being slapped, pushed, shoved and hit in different ways. Verbal and financial abuse was an integral component of this phenomenon.  Other significant statistics included only 52 percent of married women participated in household decisions.  Female feticide and infanticide resulted in 35 million girls missing from the population. The under-five mortality rate is 50 percent higher for girls than boys. In the United States, a Boston University telephone survey of South Asians in 2001 revealed that 40% of the participants reported some form of abuse and 90% acknowledged that it occurred within the last year.  In another study of South Asian women from Boston, 42% reported physical abuse in their intimate relationships. Research in India indicates that 50% of the women who reported physical abuse were pregnant. Further, 74.8% of women who experienced different kinds of abuse attempted suicide.

There is no excuse for any form of violence against women or anyone for that matter. Domestic violence extends beyond physical abuse to verbal, emotional, sexual, mental, financial and even spiritual.  The indelible marks of abuse last beyond a lifetime as it affects children negatively and shadows them into their adulthood. The haunting experiences have the potential to make the innocent sufferers either victims or perpetrators.  

There are well established normative beliefs that support violence against women. For instance, an age old credence nurtured by child rearing practices fosters misperception of the superiority of masculinity. It is a pervasive culture worldwide for acceptance of violence against women at all levels of society that infuses the habit. In the South Asian context, the convictions are fuelled by the cultural bias against women and qualities attributed to feminine glory. The causes of violence among our community will be discussed at length in Part II of this series.

Acknowledgement and accountability is shied away from when it comes to domestic abuse-a dark societal reality that’s alive in various forms at different levels.  How can such heinous law-breaking be a personal matter? It’s a plague eroding the essential building unit of civilization-the family. It is the right of every being to live in dignity and peace.

A change in mindset at individual and societal levels is essential in establishing every home a safe place. At home, raising sons with an understanding of respect for women who are individuals with a mind of their own is a major first step. Setting things right is not merely individual rights as much as obligations as well, vis-à-vis rights with responsibilities applicable to all involved.

Addressing family violence is a community responsibility. It is time that conscientious, knowledgeable individuals at every level of society take this matter seriously. It is crucial for individuals and societies to partner to bring about a major change for creating a collective social consciousness that acknowledges certain private matters are indeed everyone’s business as it affects the lives of all.  Generating a sense of indignation in a united outcry for peace in every home will be a powerful tool to bring attention to the problem of domestic matters- not just theirs, sorrowfully very much ours too.