My mother is obsessed with horoscopes. Like many Desi women of her generation, she put a lot of stock in her janampatri (birth chart) and is constantly quizzing me about the signs of my marriage candidates. I make fun of her, as any good daughter would, and surmise that my father and I are EXACTLY the same because I was supposed to be born on his birthday. Here's a fun fact for you; my sister and I were both scheduled to be born on my fathers birthday; she came a month early, I came three days late and life has been the same ever since. 

I am not a believer in astrology, per se, but I do enjoy reading my horoscope on occasion and I do like categorizing people based on personality quirks that may or may not have to do with when they were born. It just helps me make sense of my world. Feel free to judge.

I bring this up because a good friend of mine is "talking" to a fine upstanding gentleman, who happens to be the same sun sign as myself. And as she points out many of his flaws and character quirks, I find myself defending him because I see the same behaviors in my own reflection. As she speaks, the rushing blood to my head screams, please like him, because if you do maybe there is a chance for me too.

"He's just not affectionate like I'm used to," she states matter of factly. We're hard to get close to, us Capricorns, but once you're in, you're in for life, I defend arduously.

"He seems so casual with me, like he doesn't really care if we hang out or not." I can guarantee you that he does not feel that way. He's trying desperately to stem the tide of emotions beneath the cool exterior of logic and rationality. We Capricorns fight a daily battle with our psyches, justifying irrational feelings, trying to bring order and sense to the chaos that is the human condition.

I desperately try to sell a man that I've never met to my dear friend. Capricorns are infinitely loyal to a select few and thrive on hard work. They're ambitious and driven. They will take care of you, without fanfare or histrionics. Practicality and responsibility may not seem like fun traits, but they are the foundations with which great relationships are built. Capricorns may seem cold, but lurking inside is an incredibly passionate and loving partner.

After my closing argument of the defendant, I realize that I'm not typically attracted to my own kind. I was defending this unknown because I felt marginalized personally. But why was that abhorrent to me? I admire men with the traits I don't have, not the ones I have. Spontaneity, Humor, Flexibility, Optimism. Those are the characteristics that I find appealing, not the dull and boring ones that I exhibit. I begin to think about my circle of friends and the signs they represent. In the innermost circle, the epicenter of my scary mind, there are two Aquarians, four Geminis, four Leos, two Virgos, and a Sagittarius. I can count only one other Capricorn that I've gotten close to in all my years and mostly because we share the same neuroses.

I am losing momentum in the defense of my sign. I am switching sides. Don't date this guy, good friend. He'll be stubborn and jealous. When you want sunshine and flowers, he'll bring pessimism and prudency. When you want romance and fun, he'll be sensible and miserly. We Capricorns are destined to be alone, sitting in brooding silence, pondering the meaning of life while wasting our own away.

Or, friend of mine, you could just get to know the guy and then decide without me and my signs. I don't believe in all that anyway. Really, I don't.