|
Dating and Relationships
|
|
Wednesday, 03 June 2009 07:53 |
 | | | Let me tell you a story, boys and girls, about a young couple in love. In the early nineties, they met on a large university campus full of all kinds of people. Black, White, Brown; different cultures, languages, and foods were common. Below the surface of a happy, tolerant college society was a campus divided. American Born Confused Desi versus Fresh Off the Boat. Who got the auditorium for Diwali? Who got happy hour at the Indian restaurant? Did that EE dude just hit on that business school chick? *gasp* The audacity.
In the midst of this cultural battleground, a group of friends formed an alliance. Some were straight from India, others from other countries, and some born and bred Americans. “We will not be divided by our differences, but we will be united through our similarities,” they thought. All was well for an idyllic time. And then it happened. The unthinkable.
A traditionally raised ABCD girl offered to help a worldly FOB with an internship, cut to rain on the campus lawn with backup dancers, big musical score, and they are married today. However, while they dated at school and even afterward for some time, they were underground. Both felt uncomfortable telling their tolerant friends of their blossoming love for fear of scorn.
“I can’t believe your parents will be happy with an ABCD, won’t she expect you to stay at home with the kids while she goes off to work?” “You’re dating a FOB? Isn’t he just into you for the greencard?”
These are the thoughts they expected to hear if they came out of the dating closet. After all, haven’t we heard some version of these over the years? Even though the old terms have become blasé, we’re still labeling people as we meet them.
That guy is the overachieving engineer (read: socially awkward). She’s the party girl (read: everyone “knows” in the biblical sense). He’s the BMW (read: brown, mama’s boy, workaholic). She’s on the prowl (read: only one goal, marriage).
It is a part of human nature to categorize information as we receive it; otherwise we would be overwhelmed by the minutia we process daily. As we meet people we make judgments in the blink of an eye. It's how we react to our split second judgments that define our character. Will I talk to that person? Will I help them? Will I be their friend? Will I date them?
I’ll confess. I used to have a hard time talking to people who had strong accents. I’m driven to distraction anyway and to listen to an accent on top of my hyperactive mind; it's a recipe for disaster. I would find myself concentrating on the way the person would say something rather than what they were saying.
I got a taste of my own medicine, though, and it completely changed my perspective. You see, after a couple adult beverages and when in close proximity to others like me, I begin to talk like a Southerner. Not South Asian. The confederate South.
Ya’ll cain’t tease me, now, it ain’t nahce. I’s only fore years old whin muh family moved tuh Tennessee and ah lived thur fir goin' on fiftain yurs! You get the idea. Needless to say, it's great fodder for my friends and family to unleash verbal terrorism upon me. And I deserve it because who am I to judge a person for a strong accent, when I have quite a comical one myself?
No one person can encompass every part of a stereotype. Behind every typical quality a person possesses there may be a hidden trait that could surprise you. If we could be more open minded when the instant reaction occurs in our brain we might get to see those special traits. Even if I drink my weight in tequila and butcher Hindi regularly, give me a chance and you might find out that I make killer chaat and can put on a sari in ten minutes. Time me, I dare you.
While I still snicker when I see a Desi driving a Honda (oh wait, that would be me) or roll my eyes when I meet a Desi doctor, I'm trying to look for the quirks that make people different than what I expect. It worked for our brave college sweethearts and they have two beautiful girls to show for it. | | | | Mona is an HR professional working in Philadelphia and helping one manager at a time. She enjoys dancing, reading, martial arts, and good conversations. | |
|
|
Last Updated ( Monday, 17 August 2009 08:52 )
|
